some sort of melancholy

wicked game- Chris Isaak

stars in my eyes

i've never felt like 'this' before

this thing, is in my chest
i have no idea what it is
i feel flames
my heart is burning
it's not good but i'm not sure if it's any bad either
i've never been so tense before

i got so much to think about
but this is not a significant concern at all
it might be a puberty crisis
it might be a shock
or maybe i just don't want to believe it happened
i can't seem to understand
the reason why it keeps me away from the real pain
why can i not think of such a loss
and feel this stupid thing

happiness is a warm gun

I had a marvellous weekend. Dad and I went to Ankara for my Dad's cousin's wedding. The wedding was excellent; my whole extended family was there. All of us live in 3 different cities so it's really hard for us to get together. I hadn't seen most of them for months and the whole family getting together made me realize that I missed them a lot. The wedding was fun, all of the family danced all night. We even did the twist dance together. Dad and my aunt got a bit tipsy, it was so entertaining to watch them. The next morning we all had brunch together. I might (and I most probably will) sound cheesy but I absolutely love being a huge family and I will never forget the past weekend...

current theme song: fix you- coldplay

when you try your best but you don't succeed

when you get what you want but not what you need

when you feel so tired bu you can't sleep

stuck in reverse

and the tears come streaming down your face

when you lose something you can't replace

when you love someone but it goes to waste

could it be worse?

click here for the rest the lyrics

School's Out....

School's Out....
Originally uploaded by ~nut*meg~

Have you ever had one of those days, when nothing seems to go right?

I screwed up. I screwed up big time. Everything is going wrong and I don't have any idea what to do. It's all my mistake though. My biggest mistake: not learning anything from my mistakes. I absolutely hate myself for doing that.
I feel as if I'm in a maze with no way out. What ever I do I hit a dead end, there's no way out. Even though I know how to get out of this maze, I always always always take the wrong turn. Why do I take the wrong turn? Probably because my hearts tells me to. When I take the road my heart tells me to, everything is excellent at the beginning; there are flowers and cute birds along the way. After a while walking that road I hit the dead and and when I start going back I see that the flowers who kept me company are now dead and the birds that guided me are gone. Long gone... The road that gave me joy and made my heart beat rapidly is now making me suffer. Step on poison ivy with each step. The poison ivy grabs me and doesn't let me go. I try so hard to get out of it, it hurts me even more. When I get back to where I started, I overlook what I've done and unfortunately see that there are more cons than pros. I continue to walk but I take the wrong way again.
The things that give me pleasure, devastate me at the end. The things that make me happy in short-term take away all my happiness after they end. Why do I keep doing the same mistake over and over again? Am I so blinded by the pleasure that I don't see how it's going to end? Am I so stupid not to know that all good things come to an end?