Mid-term break, day 7

I'm proud of myself. I've been studying since the morning and despite the fact that I have a headache that might kill me any second I'm really happy. For the first time in my life I made myself a studying plan. I followed the plan without any exceptions. I've never ever ever done something like this before. I'm determined to get good grades from my upcoming exams perhaps this is what made me work in an orderly manner. My dad's apartment is at the very top floor of the building and there are lots of seagulls that nest at the roof. My desk is right in front of my window and the seagulls' images are clearly seen due to their reflection on my desk. My desk made of glass and the reflections on it are very clear. So when I'm studying, if I get bored I watch the seagulls from my desk. I feel like I am sky high and the birds are flying below me. It's a pretty relaxing image and watching that gives me peace. Watching that fr a minute or two helps me focus. Anyway, now I have a bad headache; I feel like my eyes are going to pop out of their places and my head is going to blow up. Looking at the laptops screen makes it worse. What' ironic is that dad's a doctor and there aren't any pain killers or any other kind of medicine here, not even one. I've tried sleeping but it didn't help. Now dad, Lucky and I are going to my aunt's house for dinner. I hope she has pain killers there. Arrivederci!

Mid-term break, day 6

I'm at my dad's right now(we made up a couple of days ago). The house has changed a lot since I last saw it. It was like a huge pile of mess stuffed in little rooms before, now it looks like a proper house. I'll be living for the next 4 days. I'll be studying most of the time, so you don't call that living.

Yesterday I woke up at 11.55 a.m., I was lost in my crazy dreams again. After breakfast I went over to my friends' place to study geography. I didn't listen geography once since the school started and I absolutely hate geography. It's not because of my teacher or anything else, I'm just not interested in the subject. I want to be a doctor when I grow up and how are maps going to help me in the future? My dad, on the other side, says that he loved geography and it is fun. Weird. While studying I realized that I have lots and lots of studying to do...

Anyway, last night I went to the cinema with mom. We saw 7 Kocalı Hürmüz(it's a new Turkish movie). It was one of the funniest movies I've ever seen. Here is the plot outline : The story takes place in the late 1800s, Istanbul, Taşkasap. Hürmüz is a widow who gets married illegally to 6 different men who have different professions. Each of her husbands visit her a different day of the week. They buy her gifts and she solves her economic problems by using their money. However Hürmüz fells in love with the doctor of the city. With her peculiar friend Safinaz's help, she makes up a fake disease and invites the doctor to her court. The doctor fells in love with her... But as her all of her husbands visit her house the same night, Hürmüz and Safinaz find themselves in a complex, funny situation. Hürmüz's ambition is to make a marriage based on love, so she has to get rid of all of her husbands before the doctor finds it out. With their superior intelligence and cunning skills Hürmüz and Safinaz smoothly get out of this situation. After all Hürmüz overcomes the obstacles, the doctor and Hürmüz gets married....

Today I met my friend Tulya downtown and we went to a special cafe together. The special thing about this cafe is: it is a fortune-telling cafe. I mean, of course "the cafe" doesn't tell your fortune, the fortune tellers that work there tell your fortune. We don't believe in what the fortune-tellers say, it's just for fun. Fala inanma falsız kalma anacım. Anyway, my friends Emira and Yonca was there as well. The fortune teller told me that: My feeling will be jumbled in a while because there will be lots of love-talk going on around me. I won't have a serious relationship until august but I'll be seeing people. (As I said before I don't believe in fortune-telling. Nobody knows or decides your fortune but yourself. This was just for fun.) That was the only thing she said about love, the rest was about my academic future. She said that I'll be living apart with my mom or dad, I'll be living in a foreign country. This year will be a good year for me, but I should study more. She said that I don't care about school enough. She said that the age 17 will be an important year for me. The things she said was pretty nice and at the end she said : "Why did you come here, everything goes well in your life and everything will be nice in the future." ( I better believe in that.)

So that was basically what I did the past 2 days. Now I'm going to read a book or watch Grey's Anatomy. Arrivederci!

Hürmüz = Hormus

The story of 7 Kocalı Hürmüz is told by Aesop.

Mid-term break, day 4

Today was a nice day; not too tiring, not too boring. Yesterday it was SO boring I almost integrated with my bed. I love those kind of days, when you do absolutely nothing but chill. You don't have to do your bed or get out of your PJ's. Yesterday, everything went smooth for the first 10 hours however after that I reached the ultimate boredom level and I exploded, I wanted to scream for help as if I was drowning in the lake of lost souls. This may be too pessimistic but it's true. Last night I had a weird weird dream. Me, my parents and another friend of mine and his family had rent "the Black Pearl". The ship was a total wreck but there were 2 latest-model fishing boats tied up to it as rescue boats. All of us were having a great time. Our dads were racing with the fishing-boats and I was on board on the same boat with my dad. During the race, dad made a sudden turn with the boat that made me fell off board. The flow dragged me kilometers away and it was night when they found me. My friend's mum punished me because I fell from the boat. My punishment was feeding the crabs but I was supposed to be in the aquarium while I fed them. After my tussle with the crabs I broke the aquarium and got out. I started walking on the deck and went to the workers corridor. The corridor was dark. I saw the silhouettes of 2 people. One of them was in the secret passages of the ship and the other was talking to him through the chained little window of the passage. The boy in the passage was saying get out of here in their tongue. I kept asking why but they didn't understand me. Then the girl started running away. I turned my head and saw the strange fish/crab/man creature walking towards me. I tried to get in the passage but I couldn't. Just as the creature reached me I started running to the stairs as fast as I could. As I started climbing up the stairs, I saw some inspectors with magic wands were taking strange, brain-washed men down the stairs. I reached the top floor and found 2 inspectors there. They were trying to find the last 2 people who were behind this. (If you are confused, you are not alone. It is one of the strangest dreams I ever had and believe me I have bizarre dreams all the time.) The inspectors asked for my help and I said "Yes". They gave me a wand too. They told me that they were going to find the criminals by using the "echo" method. I was too afraid to ask questions so I didn't ask what the echo method was. They screamed at the left side of the corridor and observed how long the echo lasted. It lasted quite longer compared to the right side so they decided to go to the right side. We went in to the first room on the right. We found 2 men. They were twins, one of them just had a upper torso but he was still alive. As I tried to lead the inspectors to the stairs a man blocked our way. He was the triplet of the twins we found(it turns out they weren't twins after all). I managed to escape and ran down the stairs. I faced the crew of the ship. They were all dressed as if they were part of a circus. I immediately adapted to the concept ans started singing. People who listened to me offered me to join the circus and I said "Yes". Then the ship docked and when the gates opened we were at Istiklal Caddesi. My friends were there to meet me. They told me to look more energetic and lively. I did what they told me ans started doing cha-cha and samba. Then all of a sudden we were taken to St. Pulchérie(a French high school). The teachers told us that we were St. Pulchérie students from now on. First, we went to the physics class and had a pop quiz. There were 10 questions and I only answered 2. I started looking around in suspicion, fear and tension. Then I woke up screaming "I want my old school!". Strange dream right? I'm still under its spell. As for today: I went to the gym and I worked a bit more to get rid of the donuts I ate 2 days ago. After that I went to my friends surprise party. Even though I was 1.5 hours late because of the traffic, I had lots of fun. While I was at he party mom had a little tooth operation. She is fine now but her tooth aches and her face is all swollen. She'll be fine in a couple of days. It was a nice day after all. Now I feel really sleepy and I can't keep my eyelids open. Bye for now, arrivederci and I hope you dream dream and dream all night long...

Mid-term break, day 2

~Lucid Dreaming~
Originally uploaded by MiaSnow Myriam

After waking up from my 13-hours sleep this morning, I realized that sleeping is an art. It is the ultimate zone that anyone uses their creativity. I have the weirdest dreams. Once I was in a world of trinket and I was being chased by a baker called Sofort Hrothgar. Sofort means immediately in German and I learned that Hrothgar is a character from the movie Beowulf. I've never watched Beowulf before and I didn't even know what sofort meant then. Last night me and my dad was swimming in ponds of frozen honey at our old summer house. It was more like a nightmare actually, me, my dad, my great grandma and my great grandpa(unfortunately he is dead) was being chased by people, bad people that I didn't know. And there was this boy who seemed familiar, but yet I didn't know him. He was always with me, like a stalker that protected me from evil. I couldn't' recognize the face because he never got that near. He was following us with a motorbike wherever we went. I actually think I know him... But I'll never tell you who he is. :) ("that's a secret I'll never tell"- gossip girl) Apart from my weird but mesmerizing nightmare I watched Grey's Anatomy (I'm still at season 2). And later on, we went window-shopping with mom. Even though we didn't buy anything (perhaps that's why it's called window shopping) we had lots of fun. That was basically what I did today. Bye for today, I hope you have enchanting dreams tonight...

Mid-term break, day 1

It was a quiet day today. My mom and I went to the tailor first thing in the morning. My school skirt was too loose for me, it had been bugging me ever since school stared and we didn't have the time to get it fixed. After the tailor we went to the coiffeur to get my nails done. (so girly :) ) Then I got back home, I had nothing else to do so I started searching for cake recipes in different blogs. I found some delicious snickerdoodle and cinnamon-carrot cake recipes, mmm mouth-watering... That was when I realized that I hadn't eaten a thing since breakfast (it had been six hours since breakfast). So I went to the kitchen and made myself a delicious toast and I enjoyed eating it while I drank some ayran*. When my meal was finished I sat in front of my laptop and started surfing the Internet. Apparently I wasn't full enough and the donut pictures that wrapped my screen made me go wild. I couldn't make some myself at the time so I called my mum right away and told her to buy some donuts on her way home. She was a bit hesitant at first (cause sugar is forbidden to me because I'm inclined to have diabetes) but with my ability to convince I convinced her to get some cinnamon donuts. (I'm such a mischievous child) Now I'm waiting for mom to come home (I'm waiting for the donuts actually) with Lucky peacefully sleeping on my lap... The bell's ringing, my donuts are here! Arrivederci!

*Ayran is a special Turkish drink. It is a heterogeneous mixture and it is a suspension. (I love chemistry, sincerely) It is made my mixing yogurt and water together. If the proportion of yogurt to water is more it tastes better. You may add some salt to the mixture if it doesn't taste good. Make sure to mix it as much as you can or the yogurt precipitates and sinks to the bottom. (again, I love chemistry) ;)

bittersweet

"THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY! I feel like I've been waiting for Friday since ages. I needed a break for a loong long time and now I have 11 days of vacation ahead of me... I'm the happiest person on the planet right now. This break is going to be great! I can do whatever I want whenever I want." was what I was going to say. But now I'm in the desperate need of chocolate and sweets because of my fight with dad. I can't explain why we had a fight but the things he said reduced me to tears. I'm really mad now and even though dad apologized for a bazillion times, I'm determined to not talk to my dad until he makes a proper, sincere apology. Now all I want is to eat any kind of chocolate or cinnamon-walnut-apple-raisin cake (mom makes it and it is de-li-cious). Or else, I'll go nuts in a while...

BO-ring School Talk

We had a math exam today. I'll probably fail it. I knew this would happen, so I'm not as devastated as my friends who also had a bad exam. Most of us had a quite bad exam actually. I talked to my teacher before the exam and he said that I should solve more examples. He's quite right though, I really don't like solving extra questions but studying over night doesn't help either. I cried cried and cried last night just because of this. Yesterday I was really exhausted when I got back from school and I just fell asleep on my bed. When I woke up it was 9.30 p.m. and I had to finish my homeworks and study for 2 exams. Torture. I couldn't understand anything because a part of me was still sleeping. Instead of studying, went to bed but I didn't sleep a wink until 3.26 a.m. ( I was checking the clock) I honestly hate the school's program. It is really hard to keep up with. Today I was thinking to myself, on my way back home, that I didn't have any homework to do today but I was completely wrong. I have to prepare a PowerPoint presentation for tomorrow and complete my journal entries. How boring is that? I need a break. Thank God we have a 1-week mid-term break next week. But after that we have an exam week so I think the teachers want us to study our asses off for the upcoming exams. They will never give us a break... Never ever ever. I wish it was raining now. I wish I was under my cozy blankets, drinking hot cocoa and watching the harmonious dance of the raindrops hitting my window. I wish I could have quality time with myself as much as I wanted. There are so many things I want to do, but so less time... I'm just so tired that I can't restore my energy if I had slept for a month. I've been so busy the past week I dropped 1.5 kilos. That's the only positive thing about it. I've gotta do my f.ing homeworks now, unfortunately. Hope I don't fall asleep again...

photo by Trane DeVore

Dilemma

I'M ABSOLUTELY SICK OF THIS! I just hate being a teenager. You can't believe how strange I feel right now, I just can't define this peculiar feeling that I have. It's not just one feeling, it's a bazillion feelings at the same time. Right now I am: angry, sad, full of joy, happy, too tired, bored, nervous, worried, lonely, self-confident and giggly at the same time. (Don't worry I'm not drunk.) I feel so strange I may even regret the things I'll write here 10 minutes after publishing it. My mood changed more than thousands of times today. I just can't stay stable. It would've been better if I could have controlled it. I thought a person can't possibly feel more than one thing at once. Now I'm feeling neutral (thank God) but this will change in less than 5 minutes I guess. I wonder how long I will be like this. I hope this doesn't last long. On my way from school to home I was really energetic for an unknown reason but then my mood changed (again for an unknown reason) and I started feeling depressed. I haven't been able to talk to my best friend lately maybe that's why my mood changes so often. I've got SO many things to tell her but I haven't seen her for 6 weeks because of my goddamn exams and homework. I've been thinking about the things I wanted to tell her on my way, perhaps remembering the things I wanted to tell her made me so moody. I really really really HAVE to talk to her as soon as possible. Now that I said that I feel as if I'm one of the teenager girls that are always on Facebook and write on their friends' wall : we need to talk, bad things happened. See, I told you I would regret what I wrote. It even came sooner than I thought. Knowing myself is good though, knowing what I will say or think after doing something... God it's happening again, I better go before I want to erase this post. I feel like Hulk. I feel like I'm mutating into a cheesy little teenager. O-kay I'm talking too much again, babbling again. Better go before I transform into an ergen again. Arrivederci!

A Nice Sunday

Shrek

I kept saying "Melting under blue skies belting out sunshine shimmering love." to myself all day long. It's from the song Accidentally In Love by Counting Crows. I first heard this song at Shrek 2. Shrek was and still one of my favorite movies. I had watched it the first day it was released(the first serial). I watched it almost ever single day during summer 2002 (cause that's when the DVD of it was launched). I also watched Shrek 2 and Shrek 3. I just Googled Shek and found the official site. It was under construction but I learned that there is going to be another movie: Shrek Forever After. I'm sure I'll see it no matter what. My favorite character is Donkey. I love the way he talks and talks and talks and talks and talks... The song is great too. Listen to the song and watch the movies I'll make you happy even if you are the saddest person walking this planet.

See ya

Frizzy;)

lazy lazy lazy

I just got back from school and I am starving. But I am so tired that I don't even want to go to the kitchen and get myself something to eat. My plan was to come home and sleep right away but just when I fell asleep I got a phone call (as usual) from my dad that took away all my desire to sleep. Now I'm lying on my bed under my cozy blankets and wondering what to do. God I'm so lazy! I don't want to get out of bed but if I wait some more I'll die because of starvation. All I ate today is a tuna sandwich. I'm capable of eating anything right now, anything you can imagine... A pepperoni pizza, a half baked steak with mustard, a green salad with lots and lots of Caesar dressing on it, a "karadeniz pidesi", fajita, a Vienna style schnitzel, Arby's curly fries, a raclette mmm... Even the thoughts give me goosebumps. Maybe I should go eat, yes I should definitely eat. Bye now!
by the way I think my stomach has just learned how to talk.

Tryout

Finally!

I've been dying to get a haircut for weeks! I've got long long curly hair that comes up to my waist and when I strainghten them some of them reach my butt. They look nice but it's really hard for me to comb them and to take care of them. I don't want my hair to be short but i don't like hair fractures too. So I finally got a haircut today! I feel lighter. Now my hair comes to my waist when it's straightened. I'll go to school like this tomorrow. I wonder what my friends will think about it... Especially Naz wanted to see my hair like this. My Mom thinks it look great and couple of my friends said that it suited me well. I actually don't care what others think about it, I feel free like this.

Frizzy ;)

f.y.i. the second pic stinks,it looks way better in person, I just wanted to show you how it looks.

before

after

Memories

http://www.flickr.com/photos/phantomkitty/1318025368/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/21506908@N07/2770734769/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/ptera/2348832956/

My dad moved to a new apartment last wednesday and I was at his new place during the weekend. The flat was a total mess because most of the stuff was still unpacked. My job for sunday was to unpack the stuff that belonged to my room. I had to organize my library (I have TONS of books so it was quite hard), I had to organize my wardrobe and drawers, put my CDs and DVDs into their shelves etc. It was a long tiring day but I enjoyed it because I found things that I used when I was just a little kid. I found my pompous tatty jewelrys, my hair bands, my stuffed toys, my LEGOs, my Barbies and most important of all; my diaries. I got emotional when I when I read the diaries. It was nothing sad but I just missed being a little kid, I missed the time when I had no responsibilities and when I had nothing to worry about... I missed finding a good way of anything when everything went wrong... I missed asking silly, nonsense questions... I missed the energy that gave me the power of playing hide and seek for 5 hours non-stop. I missed everthing... I wonder why am I not like that now, why has everyone changed? Why can't we be unique again, why is everyone trying to imitate each other? I still want to play hide and seek with my friends but why do adults consider this as an "immature" behavior? I found the first poems I wrote, all of them were about love. I read them all and I started grinng stupidly, oh boy, I was crazy in love. I thought "How could a 4th grader write all these?". I was clearly inspired by someone. ;) I can't write anything like that now, even if I tried. I was really creative then, I remember myself building teleferics for my toys with using carriges made of mat and using wool as the steel ropes. Boy I was inclined to fantasize! All in all I wish I could go back to those years and never come back but I can't so I have to let the young energetic Frizzy inside me be free...

with love

Frizzy ;)

whew!

I finally got out of the house after 1 month of being asocial. I mean I did get out of the house but not to meet with my friends or anything else. The places I've been in the past month was : school, mom's house and dad's house. It was like torture. I felt isolated. I couldn't go out the first 2 weeks because it was the exam week and I had to study. The following 2 weeks I was at home resting, trying to recover from H1N1. I broke a personal isolation record. Today was the day I broke free. Firstly I went to my friend Gizem's place. We had tons of fun. We did a ready-set-cook show among ourselves and prepared the best lunch ever. We took some pictures of the concepts we created with poor materials. Then around 6 o'clock my dad came to pick me up with his motorbike. Dad's house is at the European side of Istanbul and Gizem's house is at the Asian side so we had to cross the Bosphorus Bridge. The sun was just setting while we cross the bridge and the view was amazing. The mesmerizing smell of the sea and the breathtaking silhouette of Istanbul was astonishing. It was a view to die for. Right after we came home we went out to eat. It was hard to find a place that I could eat anything I want (beacuse of the no-eating-insulin-raising-product diet) but we found the best place possible. We ate THE most delicious meatballs on earth and had a great time. I had time to talk to my dad about being a doctor. He told me that he doesn't want me to be a doctor but he also said that he wouldn't do anything to prevent me from being one. He told me that I'll start living my life (he means after med school is finished, when I start working) approximately 11 years after my friends do, it's hard for a woman to be a doctor (not in a discriminating way of course), at least being a surgeon and he told me the negative ways of being a doctor. If I become a doctor (an operator) I'll have to work on the weekends as well, my patients might call me anytime during the day or night, I might have to go to the hospital late at night because of an emergency etc. I already know these and I know the responsibilities of being a doctor. My dad said that most of his woman doctor friends are not happy with their jobs, they would choose another career if they could. But I'm not a quitter. I know what I want to do in the future. I want to do something I love. I don't want to be a pharmacist and try to sell medicine all day long, I don't want a desk job and sit all day long. I love biology and that's the direction I should go. I want to save people's lives no matter what. Wow. Aren't I so pumped up? :) I get this way when I want to proove something that I believe in. Anyway after dinner we walked around downtown and looked for the book I wanted to read for a while, Anthony Burgess's "A Clockwork Orange". We couldn't find it at the first place we went but they said we could find it in the music&book store at the mall right around the corner. We went there and bought the book, the movie of the book and the movie I wanted see for quite a long time "Frida". " 'Frida' chronicles the life Frida Kahlo(Salma Hayek) shared unflinchingly and openly with Diego Rivera(Alfred Molina), as the young couple took the art world by storm. From her complex and enduring relationship with her mentor and husband to her illicit and controversial affair with Leon Trotsky, to her provocative and romantic entanglements with women, Frida Kahlo lived a bold and uncompromising life as a political, artistic, and sexual revolutionary." (http://www.iwatchfilm.com/download-movie/Frida.html). Now I'll take a break reading Pride&Prejudice and read A Clockwork Orange. It is a short book and my Turkish teacher had told me that it was a fast-reading book so I guess I'll finish it in a short time. I'm dying to see the movie but I watch the movie after reading the book it's based on first (if there is a book of course). Wasn't that a long entry? Glad you read all of it. :) That's it for today, I better start reading the book. Bye for now!