I screwed up. I screwed up big time. Everything is going wrong and I don't have any idea what to do. It's all my mistake though. My biggest mistake: not learning anything from my mistakes. I absolutely hate myself for doing that.
I feel as if I'm in a maze with no way out. What ever I do I hit a dead end, there's no way out. Even though I know how to get out of this maze, I always always always take the wrong turn. Why do I take the wrong turn? Probably because my hearts tells me to. When I take the road my heart tells me to, everything is excellent at the beginning; there are flowers and cute birds along the way. After a while walking that road I hit the dead and and when I start going back I see that the flowers who kept me company are now dead and the birds that guided me are gone. Long gone... The road that gave me joy and made my heart beat rapidly is now making me suffer. Step on poison ivy with each step. The poison ivy grabs me and doesn't let me go. I try so hard to get out of it, it hurts me even more. When I get back to where I started, I overlook what I've done and unfortunately see that there are more cons than pros. I continue to walk but I take the wrong way again.
The things that give me pleasure, devastate me at the end. The things that make me happy in short-term take away all my happiness after they end. Why do I keep doing the same mistake over and over again? Am I so blinded by the pleasure that I don't see how it's going to end? Am I so stupid not to know that all good things come to an end?
